Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Lost Cousin Lotto: Dead Man Leaves $7 Million in Gold Behind

So, one day you get a phone call. Your crazy cousin, Great Aunt Edwina's son, has died. Actually, he was your mother's first cousin that you didn't know well because your mom never liked him, and you were glad she kept clear of the man since he made racist comments about celebrities you like and then took to quoting Glenn Beck.

Now you recall also that he smelled funny and had hoarder tendencies, and wasn't he an anti-government conspiracy theorist? Your mom figured he would die alone with maybe some guns and a trunk full of apocalypse-ready tuna, but, as it turns out, food and ammo were not all he hoarded, and with your mom gone to glory and the weird cousin having no children and no will specifying bequests, you're his only heir. That's so sad, people dying alone, but . . . Cha ching!

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