Saturday, June 21, 2008

Sting's "A Thousand Years" and what's wrong with being single?

At BlogHer last week I submitted a post called Are You Marriage Material? Er, Do You Want to Be? People sometimes feel strongly about what it takes to get married and the belief that everyone on the planet should be married. If you suggest you'd prefer not to marry, you'll soon find someone declaring "Oh, you'll find someone for you."

UPDATE, June 22: When I posted this brief about being single last night, I had no idea that Zandria at BlogHer would be touching on the same subject today because I had no idea that some doctor said recently that if you say you're single and happy you're lying. What? (Zandria's post)

The assumption is usually that deep down inside you want someone and just won't admit it, that you've been looking over hill and dale but found no one. The truth is finding a mate is not as difficult as the women's magazines make it seem. At my age it's more stumbling across someone that wouldn't bug the hell out of me. When you start to know yourself, you also start to know what you'll tolerate. You raise the bar higher for potential mates, not lower it, because if you're content with yourself you aren't anxious to have anyone move in and disrupt your happy home.

Yes, many people who've been divorced remarry, but that doesn't mean all divorced people should marry again. Anyway, what's wrong with deciding that you don't want to be part of a pair?

No one who commented on the BlogHer post gave the oh, you'll find someone for you stuff, at least not explicitly, but I have gotten that advice from other people if I say "no" to dates or romance or am disinterested in a male they believe I should consider. I've also observed that some people think that losing interest in having a romantic relationships or interests in being married is proof you've fallen into bitterness or lost hope in life. I disagree.

I think if you're happy for others who have relationships and still believe in love, but you choose not to follow that path, you're not bitter. You're simply doing what you feel is right for you. And in this day when so many women are choosing to stay single, I don't know why a woman declaring herself off the marriage market still disturbs some people. Are they projecting onto others their fears of being alone and so seek to convince those who choose to be single that they should hook up?

If it makes them feel any better, I confess that I'm still a romantic who loves love songs like "A Thousand Years w/A Perfect Love Gone Wrong" by Sting. It's probably the writer in me also that appreciates romantic music. I have to be in a very dark mood to not appreciate a good love song with a storyline. On the other hand, it could just be that I'm a sucker for Sting. After all, I am posting this video of him singing that song just so I can find it easily.

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Condo Editor said...

Sting has frequently expressed a preference for "love songs with a twist"; i.e. he says "I love you and you love me is boring. Now, I love you but you don't love me, or, I love you but you love someone else; now that's more interesting". This particular song is also about reincarnation: a man who lives life over and over, searching for the one true love he can have for all eternity. Interestingly, this past season there was a television show on the Fox network called "New Amsterdam", which was based on the identical subject. Thought you might find it interesting

ByJane said...

Yep, I'm done too, and not out of bitterness or whatever they say. That Noah's Ark mentality has got to go!

Vérité Parlant said...

Stephen, thank you. I saw previews of "New Amsterdam." You're right, the show intrigued me. Unfortunately I didn't get to see more than a few minutes of one episode.

Another interesting thing about Sting is that he addresses obsession. It's amusing that so many people think "Every breath you take" is a great love song when Sting says it's really about a stalker.

Vérité Parlant said...

Jane, "Noah's Ark mentality." Two-by-two? Haha. :-)

Zandria said...

Thanks for the shout-out, Nordette! You know, one of the posts I read recently that inspired me to write what I did today was that one wrote about not wanting to get married again. It was a great post. :)

Vérité Parlant said...

No problem, and thank you. I can't believe someone in today's age thinks like Pam whats-her-face.