White Mother Pissed: Black People Keep Secrets

The white mother in this video is funny. Her complaint is that black people have been inadvertently hiding their skin care secrets from whites, and she wants that to stop. Furthermore, she wonders how many other secrets black people are keeping from whites that could help them. The video description reads in all caps:

BLACK PEOPLE TELL US YOUR OTHER SECRETS! LIKE HOW THE HELL ARE YOU 95 YRSOLD AND LOOK 35?????

WHITE PEOPLE GO GET YOU SOME BUTTERS STAT...GET OFF THE LOTION..

New Jersey talk show host Lisa Durden shared this video silliness on Facebook which comes from Heady1313 on YouTube, and I'm glad because I take my laughs where I can get them. However, on a political note, white people through colonization and in the guise of academic or scientific research have studied black people for a long time and walked away with our cultural knowledge, frequently earning dollars off our culture that are never returned to us. I guess I'm laughing in part here at the irony of which Heady1313 may be unaware or cleverly plucking at the domesticity level.

Some people thought she was dead serious in "the butters," but I didn't. Nor did I find the video offensive.

What I've gathered is that Heady1313, who is also on Twitter, has Multiple Sclerosis that's left her in a wheelchair and she committed to vlogging for a year. Her first video talks about feeling like she's an inconvenience, but before that she says that she hopes through blogging, "to make MS my bitch."

Portia de Rossi Tells Oprah, Ellen About Life at 82 Lbs., and BlogHer Urges Owning Your Beauty: Who Wants to Heal?

BlogHer.com, a women's blogging website, with help from OperationBeautiful.com, is running a series about owning your own beauty that features stories and pictures from ordinary women. That's a praise-worthy project. If I were younger, I'd ask to participate because I, like many other women, struggle with self and body image baggage, but who wants to hear about an older woman's emotional struggles with self-image unless she's saying she's fully recovered, right? People expect that with age comes wisdom, that some sagely magic overcomes you and you never ever again internalize self-destructive messages.

For a variety of reasons, I have trouble opening up these days publicly about inner turmoil with deep roots. You have to know when to risk facing darkness. For me, I have to choose a time when self-examination won't sink me, conjure my Sylvia Plath side, and since I'm in no position to take time off and spend weeks with a therapist, I'm disinclined to dig at the core of self-affliction right now.

When I was younger, I was willing to talk more about emotional pain. And make no mistake, to own your own beauty you must first wade through some emotional pain. If after being raised in a culture that values thinness, youth, and perfection over inner peace you have never, meaning not even once, experienced the prick of self-doubt about your looks, then I'll wager you're someone who is genetically predisposed to positivity or you have a knack for repression that's let you forget your awkward years. If not that, then perhaps you're attractive enough to have never been rejected based on your appearance. That's nice. Count your blessings.

As I was saying, when I was younger I was more willing to talk about pain, I think, because I was puffed up with idealistic dreams. I had higher hopes then for the 30-minute-sitcom solution to self-loathing--you know, just reveal the monster, laugh at it, and it goes away. But always I was more likely to address psychic slime from a safe distance, to speak to it in poetry, and even then I felt pressure to reveal less by putting a positive spin on the problem. See the poem "Fat Is." That's my issue, the shame of obesity, and so, I'm one of those people who feels sexy and pretty at a lower weight and like an ugly loser at a higher weight. Therefore, when I'm having trouble with losing weight the way I'm troubled now, I'm no damned fun. I can't play the role of the jolly fat lady.

I've also addressed these kinds of issues in fiction about childhood (Sunday Dinner), but the long, true personal narrative about how I feel about my physical appearance or a realistic picture showing my face and a belly of stretch marks? No. You might read this and think I'm sharing a personal narrative now, but I'm not. I don't have the courage for that. These are not the words that tell all and bare the soul. These are abstract, distanced blah blah words broadcast from the supposed cynic's cloak. These are what another writer I know calls "top of mind" words.

I'm reluctant to spill the deeper stuff because whenever I've broken down with a group in a face-to-face setting, my experience has been that people get all concerned, run at you with the hugs and tissues, but later, they go off and talk behind your back about your emotional instability. Someone describes you as "a drama queen" seeking attention. Others discuss your stupidity and the lameness of losing your head before a crowd, and they whisper buzz phrases such as "TMI," and eventually these opinions all come back to you by way of those gossipy "little birds."

Those birds tell a lot of people a lot of mean stuff when you're not around and if you put it in writing on a blog, God help you. You've archived the bird shit that pops up later and bites you in places like work or in a divorce hearing. I speak from personal experience here on the later, court. Being strong enough to share means being strong enough to take what people say after the sharing's done.

The fallout after sharing has never helped me, making whatever healing that reportedly comes through sharing incomplete. The aftermath of sharing has only made me feel more like I should climb in bed, turn off all lights, and pull the covers over my head. For others, though, sharing seems to work, to help. I'm in graduate school now taking rhetoric courses and reading theorists who swear the personal narrative works like Gilead's balm.

So, I applaud BlogHer and Operation Beautiful and the talented photographer Karen Walrond for trying to "change the conversation" about women and our perceptions of beauty. Part of their message is "it is never too late to learn to love one's self and influence the lives of those around us." Seems like that should be a message for me, and it is, but like I said, I can't do that publicly right now. Maybe I'll do those positive affirmations recommended by Operation Beautiful in a private space at a quiet time, but mostly I think I'll take heed of research on neurogenesis. I've been thinking lately that the better route is to reinvent the self, to take practical steps in raising up a new you and purge the demons that way and to do so without advertisement. I'll advertise the cure after it's worked because these feelings are like a long, love-affair where self-doubt, like lovers' passions, comes and goes.

But the rest of you, please go. Do. Get a healing now! Don't be like the me who writes in this moment.

I see that this pressure to look like a perfect dream rips through America and the world. It's a disease. It's a cancer eating its way from women to men. I've heard my son speak of being self-conscious about not having the buff male body promoted on television and in magazines. My daughter's self image is stronger, and I suspect her being hard of hearing (she wears hearing aids) may have helped there. Natural deafness has prevented her from hearing some of the crazy talk that makes us crazy.

It seems that to love our children to wholeness, we must work daily and desperately against Spiritus Mundi, praying that we too may be exorcised. In my son's case, I rage against rise of the Adonis Complex. After seeing the Rocky Horror Picture Show episode of Glee in which the character Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith) confronts his body-image issues, I know it's not just my son feeling this pressure. I doubt a show as successful as Glee would broach the subject unless they knew it would resonate with teen viewers. And I wish someone had raged against Madison Avenue's Venus for me when I was a child, a teen, a young woman.

Even the Beautiful People Feel Ugly These Days

The Glee episode brings me to one celebrity's story. While BlogHer and Operation Beautiful are giving ordinary women the opportunity to share their feelings about their looks, a chilling story runs in MSM news this week about actress Portia de Rossi, Ellen DeGeneres's wife, and her battle with a negative body-image and an eating disorder. The video below has clips of her talk with Ellen, whose love she credits with helping her heal.

The CNN report talks a lot about the actress emotionally telling her story on Ellen's show, but Portia was also on Oprah earlier in the week telling Winfrey and audience about how she was once 82 pounds and thought that was beautiful. When people who cared about her told her that she was too thin, she perceived them to be giving her a compliment, and happily considered, "Who can bee too thin?" But her life was at risk at that weight.

Featured in the latest edition of People Magazine, she says:

"But at the time, I thought, 'Okay, my arms look awful so I should cover them up, but my legs look pretty okay now," says the actress, 37. "I didn't think I was crazy to only eat 300 calories a day. That made perfect sense to me."

She says, according to CNN and the Daily Mail, that as she grew to feel more comfortable about herself with Ellen, she reached a weight of 168 pounds.

Portia connects some of her issues with negative self image, anorexia, and food to trying to hide her sexual orientation. She's sharing her stories on talk shows because she's recently published a book, Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain.



Related at BlogHer and WSATA:

• "Own Your Own Beauty."
  
• "Can a Negative Body Image Keep You From Living a Full Life?"
• "Can You Change Your Life With Positive Thinking? Yes."
• "Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. Ugh."

Black People, the Color Wars, and Ultimate Whiners

I came across an old song today that reminded me of colorism issues in the black community, and again I remind my fellow African-Americans that other people of color have similar dysfunctions. Ask someone observant from India about it, for instance, and they'll tell you that some of their people favor lighter skin.

Curtis Mayfield (June 3, 1942 – December 26, 1999), opens the set in the embedded video with "We the People Who are Darker than Blue," bemoaning colorism and lack of unity in the black community back in the day. He makes one brief statement, referencing the matter in the same context I recall it, and then moves forward with musical allusions to Africa, the mother of us all.

I recall colorism within a dysfunctional social system snaking through the black community and overall favoring lighter skin, which is why I'm glad Field-Negro occasionally mentions his wife, who grew up in Louisiana, as did I, and recalls the old-school hang-ups. I'm glad because what she has to say corroborates what I have to say (He's commenting on some drama with the singer Fantasia who thinks she was mistreated by the media because she's dark-skinned with "more African" features). Otherwise, to hear some people tell of our past today you'd think no light-skinned person was ever favored. Any favoritism is discounted by their recountings because some of our lighter-skinned members say the hatred they felt from darker-skinned members outweighed any benefit they may have gotten from being born with lighter skin and straighter hair in a society favoring such hair and skin. Furthermore, they think that if a lighter-skinned black person was ever favored, they are no longer favored today. (No comment on the Fantasia drama b/c I don't follow her.)

I hate it when people try to rewrite history and current events so they can feel good about themselves and their mommies and dadies (Yes, I see you Haley Barbour), which is why I'm also glad I have friends who will tell the truth who grew up with light skin and curly or straight hair and will admit that their lives had a bit of both rain and sunshine connected to skin color. Sometimes they were hated for their lighter skin color; sometimes they were loved. They don't deny, however, an awareness of bias in their favor in the world, either in their families or in certain social settings.

I agree that colorism affects people of color in ways similar to the way Zora Neale Hurston observes it in her play Color Struck. It's a terrible thing, a double-edged sword jutting from a traveling merry-go-round gone wild. Scars for everyone! What's more terrible is that while that play was written in the early 1900s, we still have people struggling with the scars of colorism today.

Consequently, I come across light-skinned black people between the ages of 45 and 60 who say that during the era of black pride, mainly the late sixties and early 70s, they were put down for having lighter skin, a trait over which they had no personal control, and some of them are still carrying a lot of baggage and anger toward their darker brothers and sisters for that rejection. Some of these wounded souls blame darker black people for everything from their never feeling accepted to never finding true love.

Being neither very light nor very dark, I experienced neither side of this specific tribulation long enough to carry its deep psychological scar, meaning I'm not aware of being ignored, favored or rejected by other black people because of my coloring. I have run, however, into a few people who revealed assumptions about me based on my being a little lighter than they were and speaking in a way they labeled "proper" or "white," but these encounters were so brief that I brushed them off or they happened late enough in my life that I was equipped to calmly analyze the dysfunction rather than internalize the insult.

So, I just have regular black folks stuff--issues with white supremacist propaganda and practices in general, issues with being fat in a thin-loving society, and since I'm female, some gender-discrimination baggage, too. I listen to everybody's whining and occasionally I want to slap black, white, brown, and yellow; fat, thin, skinny, and voluptuous; rich, poor, and comfortably oblivious; cat ladies, dog ladies, and gentlemen zookeepers; progressives, intellectual liberals, conservatives, the self-proclaimed tasteful, and all the culturistas.

Generally, I'd like to have a global altar call for humanity, including me, with a conversion line where prior to reaching the altar, God (in my world, God exists) gets to swat us each upside the head until we experience whatever epiphany required to make us treat each other with greater compassion and respect, and afterward, we fall on our knees destined to never forget again our own stupidity. In this vision, we arise, eternally embracing the practical lessons of forgiveness and love, and go forth healed.

But wait! Isn't life supposed to accomplish this end?

Mercury Shows up In Skin Lightening Creams in Chicago: FDA Will Investigate

What harm is there in using a skin bleaching cream to lighten your skin or banish age spots? If the skin lightening cream you use contains mercury, then the harm to the human body can be devastating. The FDA announced Friday that it will investigate incidents of creams containing mercury found on Chicago store shelves. ... Read more at BlogHer.com.

Body Image: Looking at Research and Women, Food, & God

How do you feel about your body? That seems like a simple question, but for many women, even attractive women who choose to be honest, the answer is neither simple nor positive. Throw weight or shape into the equation and rarely will you hear a positive answer. Did you ever think that maybe it's not your actual body holding you back but your feelings about your body?

Research conducted by a clinical psychologist at the Pennington Biomedical Center in Baton Rouge, La., indicates negative feelings about our bodies--obsessing about weight, internalizing the criticisms of others about our looks--hinders us from reaching legitimate health goals. ... Please read the full post at BlogHer.com

Would You Donate Your Dreadlocks or Hair in Any State to Save Wetlands and Wildlife from Oil Spills?

Don't send your hair! BP's not using oil booms made from hair.

Yes! Your hair can help save the planet, at least help protect our wetlands and wildlife endangered by oil spills.

I wrote yesterday on this topic, and in that post, I gave details about how you can donate hair and pet fur to make oil containment booms. (Check that out here.)

When I heard that hair and nylons can be used to make oil boom, the first thing I thought was "cool." The next thought was of a scene in Chris Rock's documentary Good Hair. At one point he goes around trying to sell kinky hair off the heads of black people to the same stores that buy hair from India collected at Hindu temples to sell to African-Americans for weaves.

Yes, Rock was joking, but nobody wanted black people's hair because, according to one woman in the film, people don't want their hair to be nappy any more. That would be the people she knows, and not the people I know, and so, I disagree. My daughter wears her hair naturally, and it's not straight. It's kinky and sometimes nappy as well, if she wakes up with bed head because her scarf fell off. Actually, at those times it's more matted, I suppose.

Her hair is very thick and definitely has clogged up a drain in my house before. As I wrote in the earlier post, stuff sticks to hair. If I had the hair I've cut off my own head over the last year and what she's cut from her head, I'd send it to Matter of Trust, the organization that launched the hair for oil spills comapaign. I don't have a significant amount if hair to cut at the moment, but I do have some old nylons.

Yes, my mind runs on strange rails, which is how I got from oil containment boom to Chris Rock's film. The point is, making oil boom is not like a TV commercial. Anyone's hair and nylons are good enough, even my frail and graying strands. So, you can help the Gulf Coast right now. You can send some of yourself, if you can spare that.

I almost entitled yesterday's post, "Would you cut your dreadlocks to save the planet?", which takes politics of black hair to a different level?

I decided not to do that. In fact, yesterday I tacked the post you're reading now to the bottom of the donation post. Today, I figured delete it and split the first post into two separate topics. It didn't work well to muddy the waters that asked for hair donations with the volatile black hair debate.

The photo in this post of the brother with beautiful locs comes from a post at Barbados Underground, where the writer takes to task people who say "If you're black and you don't wear locs, you're ashamed of your race." Some people of African descent wear "dreadlocks" for religious reasons, but others wear locs to make political statements, as implied by the BU post, or they wear them simply because they look cool.

I have a relative with gorgeous locs. He was offered a role in the movie Ray, starring Jamie Foxx. He declined to take it when he was asked to cut his locs, which were not in fashion among black men during Ray Charles's heyday. I don't think he was making a political statement. I just think he likes his locs and didn't want to have regrow them.

He would not cut his dreadlocks to chase fame and fortune. The question is would you cut your dreadlocks or any of your hair in whatever state to save the planet?

Chris Rock's Good Hair Opens October 9

Chris Rock appeared on the Oprah Show last week promoting his new documentary Good Hair, which examines the lengths black women go to to keep their hair looking more like the hair of Europeans. He's said he decided to do the documentary, which opens October 9, after a conversation with his little girl who appeared to have some hang-ups about not having long, straight hair.

On the same Oprah show, Beyonce Knowles's sister Solange also appeared, saying that their mother, a beautician, taught her daughters to not use the term "good hair." That all healthy hair is good hair. Read more at the African-American Books Examiner. The piece includes a list of books on the topic of "good hair" or black hair care. Rock's film opens October 9.

Greer Childers: Is She Real?

I just saw part of Greer Childers infomercial, which of course means I've stayed up too late but apparently not so late that I could be suckered into ordering anything from Greer Childers. She once marketed Body Flex, of which the video clip below may be a part. Today she's hawking Shapely Secrets, promising women they can have it all. In only seven minutes per day they can sculpt their bodies, loose lots of inches doing motionless exercise, she claims.

She also claims to be 61 years old herself. I keep thinking the facial exercises she's doing in the old VHS Gold video below must not have been as effective as she hoped because on her latest infomercial the only thing that moves is her mouth. Can you say "Botox"? But she does look good, if you like the plastic look or appearing to have your face pulled tighter than sheep skin over a new drum and equally expressionless.

You won't find her long infomercial showing her dressed like a 20-year-old online. At the end of the shorter Shapely Secrets infomercial video that you can watch at this link, she comes on but practically in cameo and the picture's fuzzy. So is the her picture in this post. Interestingly, you'll find no large, clear pictures of her online easily.

I'm curious at how she looks younger in her current commercial than she does in her old commercial below except for the fact that in the new one she looks like she's probably got an ultra-strength waist pincher on beneath her blouse that interferes with her breathing.

What's wrong with aging gracefully? I mean looking naturally your best or if you're going to buy beauty and youth then at least let it look like Mother Nature love you. Don't get me wrong, if I could look at 60 better than I did at 30, I'd take it, but I don't think looking synthetic is the look I'd want.

And really, if all it took were some exercises to look great at 60, don't you think Oprah would have had Greer on already in her quest for the fountain of youth segments with Dr. Oz? Of course she hasn't had Greer Childers on. Oprah's got her hands full convincing the public that she has nothing to do with the Acai and MonaVie scams. If Oz isn't careful, he may find Oprah washing her hands of him as well, given the Real Age controversy.

Back to Greer Childres: In addition, her expert in the new Shapely Secrets video is a "Dr. Julian Lopez" who's overweight. I kept thinking if the seven-minute workout works so well and makes your life so easy, why hasn't he used it?

Furthermore, have you noticed how most of these weight-loss infomercials, even if you only catch a glimpse of them, show the same "filling, delicious, food plan" not to mention are broken into easy payments of $19.95?

Nevertheless, I suspect what Greer's selling is old-fashioned isometric exercises.

See Greer's facial exercises below, which I recognize from Yoga.



I used to work answering customer calls at an infomercial company. While I like the company, the older people calling who'd purchased products late at night without understanding their commitment or getting exercise DVDs that they found they were too frail to use bothered me. On one hand I say let the buyer beware. On the other I know we reap what we sow and hope that applies to companies and marketers that lie to people, but folks being taken for a ride by a good snake oil salesperson is as old as the hills.

Consider the Thistle and Find Your Way Home (Book Review)

For nearly three weeks, I've had a copy of Find Your Way Home: Words from the Street, Wisdom from the Heart. The book has been a balm, a burden, and a bounty.

It's been a balm because in the women who present their stories in the book, I see that the universe has not forsaken humanity's spirit to overcome horror. A burden because as I hold these women's words and stare into my soul's mirror, I see that I often lack their courage. And a bounty because their words lift that burden and any other weight that may tether me to self-doubt and despair. This little book of feminine grace has the inspiration and spiritual guidance of a tome.

The Women of Magdalene wrote this book with the founder of the Magdalene community in Nashville, Tenn., Becca Stevens, an Episcopalian priest. You may be aware this organization under the name Thistle Farms through the marketing of its handmade candles and bath and body products.

Thistle Farms is a non-profit business run by women who have survived lives of violence, prostitution, and abuse. Thistle Farms products are hand-made by the very women they benefit. All proceeds go back into Thistle Farms and the residential program, Magdalene. Into every product goes the belief that freedom starts with healing and love can change lives.

... Magdalene is a two-year residential community founded in Nashville Tennessee in 1997 for women with a history of prostitution and drug addiction. Magdalene was founded not just to help a sub-culture of women, but to help change the culture itself. We stand in solidarity with women who are recovering from sexual abuse, violence, and life on the streets, and who have paid dearly for a culture that buys and sells women like commodities. (ThistleFarms.org)

With the current downturn in our economy, Thistle Farms/Magdalene community faces a dip in donations. According to a local news story with video, the organization has had to to cut its budget by 13 percent. One of its houses is in such disrepair, residents can't live in it.

After reading about the women this program helps, I decided to participate in a blogging initiative that Thistle Farms supporters hope will raise awareness of the work of Magdalene community. Through that effort I received its little book of wisdom for review.

The book is broken into 24 sections, 24 rules by which women in the Magdalene community live while in the program. In the book's introduction, Stevens explains that Magdalene community developed guidelines for its communal living in a way similar to St. Benedict of Nursia's development of the Rule of Benedict.

With each rule presented in Find Your Way Home comes personal stories and reflections from Magdalene community residents. Stevens writes:

In the Magdalene community, we start everyday by gathering in a circle where we read a meditation, pray, and make sure everyone is all right. We share stories and wisdom. We tell the truth. In this book, we invite you to share the spiritual principles of Magdalene.

Before I share part of one of its stories, here's a little background from both its website and the postcard that came with my book. It tells why Magdalene community uses the thistle as its symbol.

Considered a weed, thistles grow on the streets and alleys where the women of Magdalene walked. But, thistles have a deep tap root that can shoot through thick concrete and survive drought. And in spite of their prickly appearance, their royal and soft purple center makes the thistle a mysterious and gorgeous flower.

Like all of the personal reflections in the book, the story under Rule 14 puts flesh and bone on symbolism and the abstract:

Rule 14, Consider the Thistle

I know Dickerson Road all too well. I lived there in abandoned sheds and lots. The smell of urine was everywhere. I kept all my worldly belongings in garbage bags. I spent hours looking for restaurants where I could wash my body off. I spent days going to thrift stores looking for free clothing. All of this so I could hang out at the gas station to panhandle or catch a trick, whichever came first. I had no shoes, no good clothes, nowhere to sleep, no food to eat; and yet I am beautiful and worthy of every good thing. (from Find Your Way Home)

And yet ...

Much of this little book could be called "Psalms of And Yet," and I mean that in the best possible way: I have been sold like an animal, and yet ... I walk in dignity. I have been beaten and raped, and yet ... I can love and trust again. I am broken, and yet ... I heal.

As I read the book, I consider the thistle as well and how we are each stronger than we know, if we would only claim our inner strength and also be strong enough to accept help when we need help, to take our place in the community circle of our family, friends, or other support groups. To do so takes humility.

I also consider that any woman at any moment is akin to the women of Magdalene House. Even some of us secure and comfortable in our suburban homes must learn the same lessons women of Magdalene learn, such as Rule 11, Unite Your Sexuality and Spirituality:

We have been taught that our sexuality is a commodity, and have learned to live in a spirit of mistrust and manipulation.

In community, we claim ourselves again, saying no to people and institutions that are not part of the healing of our bodies, minds, and spirits. (from find Your Way Home)

A writer at Women Day By Day tells how the book resonates with her:

It’s a softcover, small format that fits nicely on a bedside table for an evening revery before bed. The book, called Find Your Way Back Home, is a perfect way to pause for a moment in respect and empathy for our troubled sisters. ... Find Your Way Back Home gives 20/20 insight into the pshyche [sic] of women who have lived lives of terror. What I saw is, they are just like me. They think like me and crave the same things I seek - peace, self-esteem, a successful path. ... It’s a humbling little read, reminding us of what make [sic] women the same rather than exaggerating those things that make us different. (WDBD)

I agree that it is a wonderful bedside book, one to read before bedtime, perhaps to plant in our heads hope for renewal and wisdom whispering in plain English.

If you'd like to know more about Thistle Farms and Magdalene community, please visit the site. I've posted the following video that gives further insight on how the struggle of these women in Nashville, Tenn., is the same as the struggle of women around the world who fight to free themselves and their sisters from violence and sexual abuse.



Also, here's a link to the Thistle Farms store where you can purchase bath and body products or the book Find Your Way Home. You may also visit Becca Stevens's blog.

In addition, a writer at Women's Health News sometimes discusses the organization's work. Through that blog I learned of the documentary Chances, a film about Thistle Farms' work.

Cross-posted at BlogHer.com.

Woman in the Mirror: Why Don't We Love Her?

If we can let go of our idealized selves, we'll discover peace and joy. At least that's one of the points I made in a BlogHer post on obstacles to happiness, "Happy is as Happy Does."

Flowing from the understanding that expectations of perfection from the self can lead to bouts of sadness, it's reasonable to say a lack of self-acceptance is also one of the roadblocks to happiness. We don't like ourselves as we are and we can't let visions of the ideal self go. (Blogher)

Today I spotted an inspiring article at CNN from O Magazine by Noelle Oxenhandler. The article's title is "Why Friends Like Your Least Favorite Pictures." In it the writer talks about why loved ones love our imperfections and how we could benefit from doing the same.

When my own daughter was small, she adored her grandmother Rose. Though Rose was wrinkled, white haired, and stoop shouldered, my daughter saw her as physically beautiful. Rose's white hair was luminous to her, like the fine-spun angel's hair that goes on a Christmas tree, and her wrinkles were what made her cheeks as soft as the velvety petals of a flower.

Once, while sitting in my lap, my daughter stroked my cheek and said, "You're pretty, but you don't have enough wrinkles."

We say that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but what would it mean to look at ourselves as though we really believed this were true? The Tibetans have a saying: Who looks not with compassion sees not what the eyes of compassion see.

Today, when the suspicious stranger looks into the mirror at her own reflection, I'm going to remind her of that. And who knows? If she can summon enough compassion to let go of her critical gaze, maybe she'll catch a glimpse of a woman dissolving in laughter-and see her with the eyes of a friend. (CNN)

I gather the article is part of Oprah's lessons in self-appreciation project. The older I get, the more I realize that much of our discontent is not about others and what they do or have done to us, but what we do and think about ourselves.

The Poets Speaking Beauty (a poem)

I constantly debate whether I should add some of my old work to the Net after having deleted so much of it more than a year ago. The quandary relates to my wrestling with myself about what this blog, WSATA, should be, and I suppose by extension I am still wrestling with who I am post-divorce and since my return to Louisiana.

Lately, an old poem that I removed from the web has been on my mind. After the recent terrorism in Mumbai, the trampling death of that temporary Walmart worker on Black Friday, hearing of a recent racist newsletter by students who should know better at Princeton, my disgust at how people watched Abraham Biggs kill himself, and the recent reminder of the Megan Meier tragedy, I've decided to put up again "The Poets Speaking Beauty."

Yes, we have hope. Barack Obama won the presidency, but we still have much work to do on matters such as poverty, the economy, the environment, violence, war, and tolerance. For instance, we're not as post-racial in America yet as some would like to believe as the Princeton Theological Seminary incident shows, Rush Limbaugh's ability to keep a following indicates, and the recent KKK murder of one of its own recruits tells us. Also, you may have heard that a case challenging Obama's presidency is on its way to the Supreme Court. Two people say he's not really a natural-born citizen because his father was Kenyan, and therefore, they believe his election violates the U.S. Constitution. I suspect the two would say they aren't challenging his presidency for racist reasons, but I think otherwise.

Despite stupid people, I look for silver linings whenever I can such as the Princeton Theological Seminary response to its misguided students, the resilience of the human spirit after a terrorist incident, and how many of us work with all our hearts to do the right thing. I wrote this poem in 2006 as the world watched Darfur and Americans heard news that a woman had cut a baby from another woman's womb and drowned her other children. This summer the woman was sentenced to life in prison without parole, but we still don't know why she murdered her lifelong friend and killed the children. I doubt there's a human cure for cruelty, despair, and confusion, but we must always try to overcome our evils and never underestimate the power of our thoughts and words because first we think or speak, then we do.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true , whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things. (Phillipians 4:8)

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love its use will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)

The Poets Speaking Beauty
(listen to spoken word file and read old reviews)
by Nordette Adams.
Sunday, September 24, 2006

The poets must dream beauty.

Ugly,
the truth of man,
crawls a nightmare in the day,
laden with hideous creatures, bold and truculent,
breathing Earth's undoing--
the streams polluted, rain forests raped,
godless prayers and chanting hate,
children's corpses left unburied, strewn at the cities' gates,
the zombie throng, the witless masses,
and kings swaying to the clatter of bones--
Wisdom deprivation.
The poets must dream beauty against
annihilation.

The poets must eat beauty.
Wherever finding the plump golden fruit
seize and gobble, chew and churn,
cogitate, regurgitate beauty.

The ugly swells churlish yet giddy with glee,
overshadowing charity with greed,
obese with the hearts of skinny dreamers slain.
It rolls through the woods and over
the plains of man's festering wounds,
the flies and worms its dessert.
So the poets must eat beauty,
chew, cogitate, regurgitate beauty
over blighted plains and into
the darkened wood,
into Earth's streams and her prayers and her open sores,
into the ripped seams of humanity.

The poets ...
The poets.
The poets must ink beauty
into the skins of souls,
from crown to toe tattoo Divine,
purple curlicues of beauty.

Everyday with relentless piercings,
the ugly's inked a heinous scarlet,
the blood of junkies young and younger stabbing needles into veins,
dealers dealing guns, crack cocaine,
drive-by shootings where toddlers play,
Baghdad bombings, London blasts, Ground Zero-shrouded memories
seething prophecies of a mushroom cloud from oil,
and global warming because we're spoiled with convenience,
in love with SUVs,
yet relinquish freedom to bubble wrap of fear-factoring authorities.
We waltz to the white noise of terrorist shit and domestic abominations,
signs of not the times but our madness,

like that woman who murdered that mother and carved that baby
from the womb like a Sierra Leone butcher or a Darfur slayer.
She grew horns and hooves and drowned her sister's children.

The ugly's inked graffiti onto man's tomb,
making proper the grave.

The poets must speak beauty.

Ugly rots man's mouth.
Who must speak its stench?
And only the blind fail to see
the truth of man's depravity.
So, the poets must dream, eat, and ink beauty.
Poets must speak beauty until Beauty comes to feast.

Copyright © 2006 Nordette Adams

Paula aka Whip Snap Brings the Drama, as predicted, on SGTL

Okay, so Paula Thomas aka WhipSnap from the SciFi Channel's Who Wants to Be A SuperHero and now of TV Land's She's Got the Look is not the one who cried "I won't let anyone make me feel bad about the way I look," like I thought. Hope said it. But Paula still cranked up the drama tonight, weeping about self-esteem issues regarding "having muscles" and "walking hard" and not being born with blonde hair and green eyes.

The judges did not eliminate Paula, and I still think the produers know she's lying about who she is, her age, experience, etc. I lean toward believing she's a deliberate plant for the sake of creating drama.

Tonight the major challenge was posing nearly nude and in a group.

Tonight the judges eliminated Kathy, and it seemed they did so because they thought she was more committed to being a mom than to being a model. They made clear that Wilhelmina Models, one of the show's producers, didn't think being a model conflicted with being a mom, however. The judges also eliminated Sharon, the 63-year-old.

I'm starting to suspect that Paula's not the only one faking on this show.

Related Links:
Faker Spotted on the TV Land Show She's Got the Look
NYT Didn't Like She's Got The Look Either

Tags: [She's Got the Look], [Who wants to be a superhero?][beauty], [Paula Thomas], [TV Land], women,[reality tv], [gender], [Wilhelmina Models]

Faker Spotted on TV Land Show She's Got the Look

I know you know the truth about reality TV shows, but still I'm posting this. Paula Thomas, who's now appearing on TV Land's new reality TV show She's Got The Look (SGTL), is a liar. So, go ahead and put this show on your scam list. You may not have heard of SGTL because it doesn't promote youth. Instead it's pushing that women over 35 are also beautiful. Great! We need more of that, but ... Thomas is lying about her age.

Thomas is not new to reality TV. She starred on the SciFi Channel's reality show Who Wants To Be A Superhero, where she claimed to be 31. On the first episode of She's Got the Look (think America's Next Top Model with older women), she claimed to be 36.

The judges, one of whom is the gorgeous former model Beverly Johnson who's in the wig business now, questioned Thomas about lying about her age because she took a second before telling them she is 36. She said she faltered because she doesn't usually tell her age, and then she reconfirmed that she's 36 and said she will turn 37 later in the season. They lectured her at length about being proud of her looks and her age. The show's website publishes her age as 37.

To me, she does look like a 36/37-year-old, but you know that it's hard to judge sometimes the age of black people. Melanin's a good thing.

Nevertheless, you can check her age posted as 31 at the SciFi Channel for her season on Who Wants to Be A Superhero, a show my children roped me into watching with them. If the age she gave on that kooky "reality" show is correct, then at most she's 33 now. I say that considering the possibility that her season on Who Wants To Be A Superhero may have been filmed two years ago, and if she told the SciFi Channel people the truth, that is.

Also, you can watch Thomas talk to judges on She's Got the Look at this link, and watch a whole episode here. The show's hosted by Kim Alexis. No, I didn't know who she was. I watched this show to see what might be said about older women being beautiful not because I'm into modeling.

Onward. Thomas also told the judges she's gay or possibly bisexual. She said something about liking both men and women and not hating men: "No I'm not straight. Nothing straight about me," she said. But it came off as though she'd say whatever they wanted to hear or told her to say or whatever might make her more marketable and the show scoop ratings.

Now, what's Thomas' real age? That's a fair and reasonable question since SGTL has made a big deal about contestants being women who are more than 35 years old.

And they do have women on the show who are obviously older than 40 and 50. One woman, Sharon, is supposedly 63, and whoa does she ever look fabulous! However, she too lied at first and said she was 58. They "busted" her during the show, and she said she lied because she was intimidated by the younger, prettier women. Was that part of the script? Dunno.

What will be Thomas' excuse when they bust her? Will she claim that she lied to get on the SciFi Channel show or she lied to get on this show? And if Thomas is a liar and really 32 or 33 years old, who else is lying about her age and telling tales to make her story sound more appealing? Are these real "undiscovered by the industry" women on She's Got the Look or not? Is it one more "beauty" show lying to women? If they didn't pretend they were doing something groundbreaking, it wouldn't be an issue, maybe.

Here are pictures of Paula Thomas. The red one shows her as WhipSnap, her alter-ego on Who Wants to Be A Superhero, and the other shows her as herself on She's Got The Look. In her interview she said her full name, Paula Thomas.

BTW, she told another contestant on SGTL that she's never posed for a professional photographer before. Maybe the SciFi Channel doesn't use those. And oh look, the hair's the same. I think they want us to catch that the SciFi Paula Johnson and their Paula Johnson is the same woman pretty fast because after Cynthia McKinney's tussle with Capitol Hill security, we all know that if a black woman doesn't want to be recognized, all she has to do is change her hairstyle.

The Paula situation is a set-up by the producers at SGTL to have a big revelation with lots of tears and drama, I suspect. My daughter tells me Thomas was good for drama and tears on Who Wants to Be a Superhero, and after seeing next week's preview for She's Got the Look, we both agreed that Thomas is already unstopping the waterworks for this new show, lots of overdone drama. I think the preview clip shows her tearfully yelling:

"I'm not going to let anyone make me feel bad about how I look!"

Oooh. Is this supposed to be a rallying cry to get more women viewers to love her because she's so authentic, and will we applaud her self esteem and watch the show?

In her interview she mentioned checking her background. Soooooo, why didn't the show's producers do that? They probably did just that and then decided having her on would be a good thing, you know. A little scandal's always good for a few ratings points. Actually, they may not have needed to do anything. Her agent may have sent her over, corrected age and all.

Everyone knows by now that there's nothing real about reality shows. They're scripted to a certain extent and purgatory for wannabe actors/actresses. The people behind the shows probably chuckle knowing that some of their viewers, like some people who watch "professional" wrestling, believe every moment is true to life. Well, that's okay. It's entertainment, after all.

However, this Paula Thomas thing on She's Got the Look is a case of plain old fraud. To promote a show as featuring everyday women who are over 35 and who have not broken into the entertainment industry yet or who have left the industry while actually presenting reality show regulars or working actresses to the audience rips off viewers. To take a serious issue like the beauty of older women not being appreciated in this society and the self-esteem issues of older women and pimp that is despicable.

And what will this sound like when the producers have the judges do the big revelation that Paula Thomas is lying on the show? Pretty much the same way it sounded when Stan Lee revealed in the first season of Who Wants to Be A Superhero that one of his contestants, a woman, wasn't honest and was really an actress trying to get exposure. "Oooh. We didn't know. Nobody respects dishonesty. Not even models. Blah. Blah. Blah."

But how could a Paula Thomas, WhipSnap from SciFi Channel, get by them?

Uh, maybe it's a test to see if anyone's watching yet another reality TV show. And by now, we also know that they do dumb stunts on these shows just so bloggers will talk about them. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.


Technorati Tags: [She's Got the Look], [Who wants to be a superhero?][beauty], [Paula Thomas], [TV Land], women,[reality tv], [gender], [Beverly Johnson], [Stan Lee]